"A professional Bartender is someone who can do his or her best work when he or she doesn't feel like it."
-Bruce Tomlinson

"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut."
-Ernest Hemingway

"Your body is a temple, You should keep some spirits in you."
- Bruce Tomlinson

"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
-Humphrey Bogart

"There can't be good living where there is not good drinking."
- Benjamin Franklin

"Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water."
- W. C. Fields 1879-1946, American Actor

If everybody in this town connected with politics had to leave town because of chasing women and drinking, you would have no government."
- Barry Goldwater

“Is the glass half full, or half empty?
It depends on whether you're pouring, or drinking.”

-Bill Cosby

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
-Frank Sinatra

"Can I tell you what's messed up about James Bond? Shaken not stirred will get you cold water with a dash of gin and dry vermouth, the reason you stir it with a special spoon is so not to chip the ice. James is ordering a weak martini and being snooty about it."
- President Josiah Bartlett, The West Wing

"The problem with a treadmill is that the ice falls out of your glass. "
-Bruce Tomlinson

"If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt."
-Dean Martin

"My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle."
-Henny Youngman

"Work is the curse of the drinking classes."
-Oscar Wilde

"I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds, and fast cars. The rest I just squandered."
-George Best

"It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth."
-George Burns

"Man being reasonable must get drunk; The best of life is but intoxication; Glory, the grape, love, gold - in these are sunk - The hopes of all men and of every nation"
-Lord Byron

"Fill with mingled cream and amber,
I will drain that glass again.
Such hilarious visions clamber
Through the chamber of my brain.
Quaintest thoughts, queerest fancies
Come to life and fade away.
What I care how time advances;
I am drinking ale today."

-Edgar Allen Poe

"I love to drink martinis.
Two at the very most.
Three I'm under the table.
Four I'm under the host!"

-Dorothy Parker

"Alcohol is a very necessary article. It enables Parliament to do things at eleven at night that no sane person would do at eleven in the morning."
-George Bernard Shaw

"My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?"
-Henny Youngman

"I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up."
-Dean Martin

"I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it."
-Rodney Dangerfield

"I would give all of my fame for a pot of ale and safety."
-William Shakespeare

"Beer, if drank with moderation, softens the temper, cheers the spirit, and promotes health."
-Thomas Jefferson

"Drink to me."
-Pablo Picasso's last words

"A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world."
-Louis Pasteur

"The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid."
-Richard Braunstein

"Put it back in the horse!"
-H. Allen Smith, an American humorist in the '30s-'50s, after he drank his first American beer at a bar.

Deep Thought: Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
-Jack Handy

"The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober."
-William Butler Yeats

"Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat, hairy girls."
-Ross Levy

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?"
-Stephen Wright

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
-Dean Martin

"The mouth of a perfectly happy man is filled with beer."
-Ancient Egyptian Wisdom, 2200 B.C.

"A drink a day, keeps the psychiatrist away."
-Bruce Tomlinson