"A professional Bartender is someone who can do his
or her best work when he or she doesn't feel like it."
"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That
will teach you to keep your mouth shut."
"Your body is a temple, You should keep some spirits
- Bruce Tomlinson
"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few
"There can't be good living where there is not good drinking."
- Benjamin Franklin
"Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water."
- W. C. Fields 1879-1946, American Actor
"If everybody in this town connected with politics had to leave town because of chasing women and drinking, you would have no government."
- Barry Goldwater
“Is the glass half full, or half empty?
It depends on whether you're pouring, or drinking.”
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
"Can I tell you what's messed up about James Bond?
Shaken not stirred will get you cold water with a dash of gin and dry vermouth,
the reason you stir it with a special spoon is so not to chip the ice. James
is ordering a weak martini and being snooty about it."
- President Josiah Bartlett, The West Wing
"The problem with a treadmill is that the ice falls
out of your glass. "
"If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt."
"My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need
glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle."
"Work is the curse of the drinking classes."
"I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds, and fast
cars. The rest I just squandered."
"It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble
is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth."
"Man being reasonable must get drunk; The best of life
is but intoxication; Glory, the grape, love, gold - in these are sunk - The
hopes of all men and of every nation"
"Fill with mingled cream and amber,
I will drain that glass again.
Such hilarious visions clamber
Through the chamber of my brain.
Quaintest thoughts, queerest fancies
Come to life and fade away.
What I care how time advances;
I am drinking ale today."
-Edgar Allen Poe
"I love to drink martinis.
Two at the very most.
Three I'm under the table.
Four I'm under the host!"
"Alcohol is a very necessary article. It enables Parliament
to do things at eleven at night that no sane person would do at eleven in the
-George Bernard Shaw
"My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's
not so bad; but New York City?"
"I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right
side sobered up."
"I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it."
"I would give all of my fame for a pot of ale and safety."
"Beer, if drank with moderation, softens the temper, cheers the spirit, and promotes health."
"Drink to me."
-Pablo Picasso's last words
"A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all
the books in the world."
"The hard part about being a bartender is figuring
out who is drunk and who is just stupid."
"Put it back in the horse!"
-H. Allen Smith, an American humorist in the '30s-'50s, after he drank his first American beer at a bar.
Deep Thought: Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer
I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers
in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer,
they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to
myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come
true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
"The problem with some people is that when they aren't
drunk, they're sober."
-William Butler Yeats
"Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat, hairy girls."
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?"
"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without
"The mouth of a perfectly happy man is filled with
-Ancient Egyptian Wisdom, 2200 B.C.
"A drink a day, keeps the psychiatrist away."